Ethan’s Mom: Over the past year or two, I came to realize how many times we take stories from the Bible and make them about the people in the stories.  Be courageous like David standing up to Goliath, be obedient like Mary when the angel visits her, etc., etc.  In both the Old and New Testaments, we take the focus off of God and put it on the people.  Despite that in almost every case, a few chapters after Abraham, Noah, Moses, or David show great faith in God, the Bible will relate how these same men fail miserably in their ability to be the moral role models we make them into.  

Meredith Anne Miller, the author of the book “Woven,” has really opened my eyes to the extent in which we do this when we teach kids the Bible.  She advocates for a different approach, which she calls “God centered storytelling” – read a passage/story, make a list of things you notice God being or doing, teach the story focusing on one of those things, and end by asking the kids what else they notice about God.  She suggests this helps kids grow to trust God and lets the humans in the Bible be, well, human.  

One example of how I have internalized the “human centered storytelling” approach is in the story of Mary and Martha.  Growing up in and around church, I have heard many sermons and even read books about Lazarus’s two sisters.  In most situations, Mary is lifted up as an example to live by and Martha is the cautionary tale of being too worried about earthly things.  Let me give you a quick summary:

Mary and Martha are sisters.  One day Jesus and his crew came to their house.  Martha focused on welcoming them into their home and feeding them.  She was busy trying to make the house look good and generally give off a good impression so that she could be praised by Jesus for being the hostess with the mostess.  Mary, on the other hand, was focused on listening to Jesus.  She busted into the room with all the men, sat right at Jesus’s feet, and drank up all the wisdom from his teaching.  Martha gets mad, asks Jesus to fuss at her sister for being lazy and leaving her with all the stuff, and Jesus rebukes her.  Mary is the hero of the story because she chose the better thing.  Boo on you Martha for being worried about the stuff that doesn’t matter.  Be like Mary.  She’s awesome.  

A while later, Lazarus dies.  The sisters send word for Jesus to come.  Jesus stays where he is instead of coming to heal him.  When he shows up, Martha runs up to him and gives him a piece of her mind.  What were you doing Jesus?  If you had not taken your sweet time, you could have healed my brother.  Jesus starts talking theology to calm her down.  Mary comes out, asks Jesus where he’s been.  But this time, Jesus cries with her.  They go to the tomb.  Martha tells Jesus not to open the tomb because Lazarus smells.  Martha, we all know this, why do you have to point it out?  So uncouth.  Jesus says “Lazarus come out!” and happy ending.

Finally, Mary is also known to pour perfume on Jesus’s feet and anoint him with her hair.  Like her actions in the first part of the story, this is very brave and insightful of her.  Also, it is noted that Martha is serving the disciples when this happens.  Be like Mary.  Once again implied – don’t be like Martha.

OK, so that was a little tongue-in-cheek, but truly it’s not far off from my understanding of these two women.  I have always identified more with Martha than Mary.  I can say I am going to finish my BSF lesson or journal, but before I sit down, I’ll just need to put the clothes in the dryer or start dinner or run the vacuum.  One thing leads to another and suddenly it’s time to head to carpool or it’s past my bedtime.  I know I should be more like Mary, but somehow I default to Martha-mode every time.   And because Mary is the hero of the story as I have told it to myself, I am tempted to believe that Jesus loves the Marys and tolerates the Marthas – Marthas like me.  

But through the study, lectures, and notes from our BSF lesson on John 11 last week, I am starting to see how Martha is more than a cautionary tale; in fact, I realized that her siblings are not the only ones that Jesus loves.  Jesus loves Martha, too.

My teaching leader pointed out that the sisters send a message to Jesus that is simple and to the point:  Lord, the one you love is sick.  They don’t add any details or give any instructions.  Mary and Martha appear to trust that Jesus will help the one he loves.  The BSF notes also pointed out something I had never heard before.  The notes suggest that based on the timing of the message, Lazarus may have died that same day or even before Jesus received the message.  I have always kind of assumed that because the Bible says Jesus stays where he was two more days that he is intentionally waiting to come until Lazarus dies, which just seems kind of mean.  Either way, he receives the message and makes plans to head to Bethany in God’s timing, not in the sister’s suggestion.   

I thought there was something beautiful about being able to send for Jesus without needing a plan first.  We know that Martha is portrayed as the one working hard and taking care of things, but she doesn’t have to orchestrate this part of the crisis – she and Mary just tell Jesus the facts.  Nor do the sisters remind Jesus of why he should care.  Martha doesn’t give any reasons, like “Lord the one who opened his home to you or the one who donated to your ministry or the one who told all his friends that you are the Messiah…”  The only qualification is “the one you love.”  What if we did the same?  What if we came to Jesus, confident in our identity as his beloved, and just put the situation at his feet?  “Lord, the one you love is sick..or sad…or hurt…or lonely…”  Just sending that “simple” message to Jesus shifts the weight off of our shoulders and onto His.  In this situation, Martha and Mary both seem to get it right.

My brother-in-law and the BSF notes also drew out a different perspective on Jesus’s interactions with each woman after he arrives in Bethany.  First, Martha is the one who gets up and runs to Jesus first.  Mary stays put.  Maybe she was too sad to move, maybe she was the one who was angry with Jesus – we aren’t privy to the reason.  But Martha gets to Jesus first and says, “Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.”  I have always read that as an angry accusation.  As a person who has been hurt and confused by Jesus’ inaction when someone I love died, I don’t blame her for asking, even in anger.  But the notes suggest that “this if/only statement should not be seen as a rebuke of her Lord.  Martha expressed deep sorrow with confidence that Jesus could have prevented her brother’s death.”  Martha knows that Jesus could have intervened and does not question that he would have, had he only made it in time.  

But Jesus doesn’t leave Martha swimming in regrets and “if onlys.”  He starts right where she is and then engages her intellectually.  He knows how to talk to Martha and how to help her in this moment of despair.  He reveals himself as the resurrection and the life and guides her from “if only” to “I know” to “I believe.”   The BSF notes go on to explain:  “Our faith often stumbles when we lament the past or enumerate what did not happen…Like Martha, we can mourn the past and feel paralyzed in the present, even when we cognitively believe God’s promises for the future…What promise is God calling you to believe, not just to provide distant future hope but to find strength for today?”  

Once Martha is strengthened by belief, she goes to tell Mary that Jesus is asking for her.  When Mary comes out, we find Jesus engaging her emotionally, not intellectually.  As my brother-in-law pointed out in his lecture, Jesus doesn’t come at Mary with words of comfort, only his presence and compassion.  It is at this point in the story we get verse 35, famous for its brevity and profound in its meaning. “Jesus wept.”  He could not hold back the tears, despite the miracle that was moments away.  

Studying this passage and focusing on Jesus throughout the story was a very timely exercise.  Right now, we are in the ten weeks of the year that hold the most heartache.  There are always days during January, February, and March when I don’t operate at full capacity. In fact, today is one of them.  I don’t know why.  Nothing in particular is going on, just a cloudy day in February.  I have tried to go about my business today, but I keep finding myself staring off into space and wondering how the world can be so full of heartache.   

Looking back at Martha and Jesus’s first interaction helps me to know that Jesus loves me, even on the days when the weight of missing Ethan keeps me from “getting things done.”  He is troubled when his followers are grieving, including me.  The story of Lazarus shows that “the things that make us sad move Jesus’s heart” (BSF notes).  I can just say, “Lord the one you love is sad today” – no explanation or qualifications required – and, amazingly, the God of the universe is moved by my sorrow and meets me in it.  

And when the “if onlys” increase in frequency and intensity as we approach March 10th, I can remember how Jesus gently led Martha back to what she knew and ultimately what she believed about him.  Jesus is the resurrection and the life.  In 1 Thessalonians 4, Paul tell us what this statement means for those who are are “asleep” like Lazarus and for those who mourn them:  

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-17

The final time we see Martha in the book of John is in chapter 12.  John briefly mentions that she was at her house six days before Passover, serving Jesus, Lazarus, and the disciples.  While the men are reclining at the table, Mary pours out her expensive perfume and annoints Jesus’s feet.  There is not a rebuke for Martha this time.  Judas is the one to try and get Mary into trouble with Jesus, who defends her actions again.  I have to think that Martha’s heart was different during this dinner.   I think my heart is different now, too.  Martha and I have come into a deeper realization of who Jesus is through our experiences with grief.  The following song is one that I have listened to on repeat the last few years.  I wonder if it might have resonated with Martha as well.  Martha, the one Jesus loves after all.

Braver Still
I never saw it coming
There was no way to prepare
The world kept spinning 'round me
And left me standing there
And it's okay to grieve
A life that could not be
I'm trying to believe
In something better
Even if the dreams I had turned into dust
There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild
The world is just as scary as I thought it was
But Your love makes me braver still
Your love makes me braver
I spent my whole life running
Trying to find a place to rest
Why did it take a wound like this
To let You hold me to Your chest?
Now I can hear You breathe
You're singing over me
You're making me believe
In something better
Even if the dreams I had turned into dust
There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild
The world is just as scary as I thought it was
But Your love makes me braver still
Your love makes me braver
There is a valley
Where shadows are covering everything I hold dear
There in the darkness
I hear You whispering "I am here"
Even if the dreams I had turned into dust
There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild
The world is just as scary as I thought it was
But Your love makes me braver still
Your love makes me braver still
Your love makes me braver

-JJ Heller